Grandmothers Song

[marilynb]

John
I just heard a piece of the song and read the lyrics to "Baggage Coach Up Ahead."  Sad folk song.  I know that your grandmother was of great faith and taught you christian values.  But I don't think that singing such a song to you as a child was a good idea.  Not that she meant any harm.  No not at all.  But its the words that can affect someone so young psychologically in a negitive way.  And I believe that hearing this song when you were little did just that with you.  If you read between the lines of the words to this song the words point to abandonment.  I feel that  this song so impacted you physcologically that it set you on the road you're traveling on of failed marriages and relationships.  It is the "i will leave you before you can leave me" affect or the "fear of desertion depression."
I know the road you're traveling John.  I was on the same road.  At the end was a sign that said "dead end."
I was affected as I watched my dad whom I was very close to, walk out of the house with suitcase in hand.  I was only 7 years old.  I could remember my mother screaming in the kitchen and I was crying out to my dad "Daddy don't leave me."  I remember my dad put down his suitcase and picked me up in his arms, and told me these words which I will never forget, he said to me "I will always love you, you are my baby girl. I know that you don't understand what is going on now, but you will later on.  If there is to be any peace in this house I have to go.  You will hear many things about me, but that was the old me.  I am not that same person anymore.  There is one thing I want you to do for me and that is to love your mother no matter what."  And then he left.  That is a lot for a 7 year old to hear and take in and not know any meaning.  But now at the age of 56 I do.  I am carrying out my dad's wishes.  I am taking care of my 94 year old mother.
You know John "abandonment" and "fear of desertion depression" comes in many disguises.  The words to this song like I said can send one into self sabatoge.  I really feel that this is the root of the problem in your relationships with women.  Past track record is proof enough.  I know it was for me.  Getting off the merry go round is half the job, its coming out of the park that makes the job complete.  
I do believe though that when it comes to relationship split ups and divorces, nobody is right and nobody is wrong.  However I feel that one has to take responsibility to do an inventory, that means time out, trust God and clean house so that way when the right person does come along we are not carrying the same old baggage.  And one doesn't have to self sabatog themselves no more if they don't want to.  So it does get better than this.
So how bout it John?  Are you ready to get off the merry go round and come out of the park?  
And yes a lot of prayer is still going up for you.  
And your music is good.  Its nice to hear that there are some song writers still carrying on the torch from our days.  Also I will add that what this country of ours really needs is a "Billy Jack" revival.

keep the faith / peace & love

[Rhonda2]

Sorry, but what is the point of your post? Please let John live his life the way he wants to, without imposing your own beliefs/religious views on him.

[marilynb]

What was my point?  Look for the message not the mess in my post.  There is a vast difference between being a person and an icon.  I just see John trudging down the same road on relationships with women like I used to do with men.  And it is a lonely road.  I have seen Johns artwork.  Yes this is a way of him expressing himself.  However, with his artwork I see frustration. confusion and anger, no serenity.  It is only my wish to share my experience, strength and hope with him.  He can take it or leave it, but I don't have the habit of telling someone what they want to hear, it would only be unfair to them.  I would only just be lying to them.  With each one of us, we have to deal with our own character defects or shortcomings.  Not only does it help benefit us, but it also helps benefit others.
Am I reaching out to John?  Yes.  Will he respond?  Thats up to him.  And if any others  can relate to what I have posted on this site, and it did help them, then thats great too.
And no I am not new when it comes to dealing with famous or infamous people in any kind of manner or matter.  Thats too long of a story of my life to get into.  All I know is that they are just human and not to be put on a pedestal or idolized.  If anyone thinks they're a legend, they are only a legend in their own mind.



keep the faith / peace & love

[Mellenfan71]

Please let John live his life the way he wants to

[marilynb]

Please let John live his life the way he wants to

Yes that is correct.  Because the hurting stops when he wants it to.

keep the faith / peace & love

[Mellenfan71]

Please let John live his life the way he wants to

Yes that is correct.  Because the hurting stops when he wants it to.

keep the faith / peace & love

How exactly do you know he is "hurting"??  Do you know the man personally?
I'm confused

[marilynb]

Good questions mellenfan.  John never made it a closure to people about his past track record of 3 divorces or any relationship that he would mention.  I wouldn't go by tabloid.   However, what happened in his troubled marriages or relationships belong to him and the other party.  No I don't know him personally.  However, I see a pattern that has been non-stop.  Its visible.  You have seen it, I have seen it, and I think that speaks for itself.  And what I see is John doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  And that doesn't work.  That is why I said the hurting stops when he wants it to.  When it becomes his own idea then he will do something about it.  He won't know how heavy the luggage is until he puts it down.  He can't give away what He doesn't have if he chooses to keep getting married or relationship hop because wanting to be fixed or rescued just does not work.  If John gives up making the same mistake or mistakes over and over again then he will have a successful relationship that may lead to a successful marriage and never have to go through a divorce again.  And for John I believe that would be a blessing.  Like I said I trudged the same road he is trudging right now that is why I can relate so well to what has been happening with him.
The reason why I know this is I had to do what I have been posting.  When I was ready for a relationship, it happened.  It was successful for 8 years.  My boyfreind and I talked about getting married.  It would of been my second marriage.  But unfortunately it didn't happen.  He passed away before we could.  But at least I had the experience.


keep the faith / peace & love

[dusty947]

It takes 2.  Life is short even in it's longest days.  I read your posts like it is all his mistakes. 
I have hard time believing that.  Don't be calling no minister, He don't need no preacher around. Grandma Laura is looking out for him. Many are going to agree to disagree with you.
Hurting by troubled relationships are a part of life for many unfortunately.  It sometimes is not a choice. 

[marilynb]

If you did read my posts correctly then you would of seen what I said.  When it comes to relationship split-ups or divorces nobody is right and nobody is wrong.  Each person, for themselves can have the experience of what it used to be like, what happened and what it is like now.  There is a difference between doing a self-evaluation and blame.
There is a vast difference between discipline and condemnation.
and yes you are right sometimes we go through what we have to go through.  However, some things are unnecessary.  And thats where choice comes in.  We always have a choice.


keep the faith / peace & love

[marilynb]

I took into consideration of thought of what rhonda2 and dusty947 was saying.  Well I don't believe that my beliefs are different then Johns.  In a personal interview, it was a Q&A with Time Magazine, I found it on You Tube.  But John clearly stated the same way I feel about the Bible.  He stated "that the bible was not about revenge but about compassion."  so rhonda with that in mind I don't believe I am imposing my own beliefs/religious views on him.  Sounds to me he doesn't like religious bathroom politics or bible thumpers no more than I do.  I am a recovering pentacostal.   And don't take my word for it, check out the interview for yourself.   

And Dusty947 you were quoting words from that song " If I Should Die Suddenly."  Do you remember the song that John wrote " A Ride Back Home?"  Have you read the words to this song?  Did you pay particularly close attention to the first line in his song?  And what do you see in that song?  What I saw in the song that John wrote was a prayer within a song.  And do I believe that John will be answered.  Most definitely yes.  And I feel it took courage for John to write that song in order to share his deep feelings and let it be known to the world.  

I know how I started this post out, but I learned a long time ago co-dependency knows no boundaries, nor is it a respector of people, places or things.

And John my prayer partners and I are still praying for you.  Thats how much we care.  We are praying that you will make your peace with God through His Son Jesus Christ Superstar so that the battle within you will be over.  Also we pray that there will be healing for your wounded heart.  Yes John Jesus will give you a ride back home only if you let Him.  Because I do believe that was a heartfelt prayer of yours written in that song.   And you can bother Him anytime you want to.  He would love that because He loves you.

keep the faith / peace & love

[walktall2010]

It takes 2. Don't be calling no minister, He don't need no preacher around. Grandma Laura is looking out for him.

I think you are taking "If I Die Sudden" too literally. John is certainly no fan of organized religion, he's said as much many times, but he is a believer. The quote below will shed some light as to why he wrote that song; it was about his Uncle Joe, who died from cancer in 1987, not himself.

“That song If I Die Sudden goes back 20 years to an uncle of mine who died of cancer at 58 from smoking. On his death bed he said, 'I’m an atheist. Do not have a preacher come here and say what a great Christian life I’ve led. I didn’t.' For me that was like Wow! You gotta be pretty damn sure of yourself or pretty damn stupid to say that. I couldn’t figure out which one it was.”

[dusty947]

I could have quoted my feelings about all this a different way but I was just using some of JM's words instead of saying anything offensive.

[marilynb]

Thanks WalkTall for the info on "If I Die Sudden."  I was just responding to what the other poster was saying is all.  Yes its kind of hard to imagine  one to be an athiest.  But I have never known one to stay in a foxhole very long, lmao.   I have freinds that are athiests, I still love them anyways and we have great discussions.  But I don't put myself in Gods seat to judge them.  Thats Gods job.  I just tell them that God loves them and theres nothing that they can do about that.  Kinda makes them think.
Yes I know John is a believer.  Knew that for a long time.  I can well relate to his life.  I have walked down a similar road.   I got clean and sober in AA back in Jan 1983.  And you know AA is a melting pot, so I get to meet all kinds of people from different walks of life.  I used to be a drug/alcohol/codependency counselor, oh heck I counseled anyone walking on 2 legs lol.  I came back to my childhood beliefs throught the program.  I got saved back in August of 1968.  Back then we were called "Jesus Freaks." lol.  I have had my share of meeting rock stars, actors, actresses etc etc etc.  To me they are just people.  I don't get caught up in the lime light and yes I have had my share of counseling them too.  Won't mention any names due to AA's code of anonimity. I know that John said he used to party alot in younger days and gave it up.  But I don' believe he ever became an alcoholic or addict.  As far as I'm concerned he was just playing in the sand box.  And made a good decision before crossing that line where there is no turning back.  But when it comes to women, woo hoo as I said I was a lot like that with men when it came to relationships.   Tho only married once.  But its up to John to deal with his codendency issues.

keep the faith / peace & love

[marilynb]

I could have quoted my feelings about all this a different way but I was just using some of JM's words instead of saying anything offensive.

hi dusty its ok, don't feel bad.  I wasn't offended not at all.  God's peace be with you 

keep the faith / peace & love

[Mellenfan71]

I was just using some of JM's words instead of saying anything offensive

I admire your restraint