I'm flipping out!!!! Today marks 3 years since I've seen the legendary John Mellencamp live. It was June 10th, 2015 and it was my first EVER Mellencamp show. I was only 15! Now I'm turning 19, I already feel so ancient as if time passed in the blink of an eye... LOL. But I know I'm going to be a fan until I'm a 100 years old, or at least 77 with God as my witness...
But nothing is more important to me than my life's experiences and precious memories. I adore to look back and reflect upon some of the amazing things that I have accomplished seeing this man live 3 times. I am so proud to say that at all 3 shows, I have landed in the front row! There were amazing wishes that came true at each show. Just the first night alone, John spoke to me and I touched his hand 3 times! Now I must've shaken his hand at least 10 times, which to me is just MIND BLOWING. Like, how much more lucky can a person get? Well, I tell you how!
The last time I saw him live, I had a rose for him, and I was anticipating the following moment for years. I mustered the courage to step forward and hand it to him, which to my surprise, he leaped right in and took it gracefully from my hand. A part of my heart exploded after that, lmao! But then he was so kind enough to wink at me, and the moments later, he pointed at me and blew me a kiss! As a girl who's never even been kissed before, that was the closest thing I've ever experienced and I started to fall backwards from feeling in love!
It was ASTONISHING. The people behind me gasped and held me up because my knees were giving out before me. But I didn't care, I just had the best thing happen to me right then and there.
The fact that this is my 3 year anniversary since the best days of my life occurred, this is a very special day for me. Forgive me if I've already mentioned this here (I don't go on here much), but several months ago I was in the hospital because I tried to kill myself. There was something very wrong with me and I just didn't know what. My emotions were all over the place, and I was throwing myself on the floor, hitting and inflicting severe pain on myself because I was so depressed. There was no reason for me to be depressed, because so many incredible things have happened to me, as expressed above. I didn't understand why I felt like I should die, and tried to successfully reach that point.
I went to a mental hospital for a week, where they evaluated me and controlled my every move. Since I was 18, I was amongst many other adults, but it was still uncomfortable because I was so young in relation to their ages. I was so scared, nobody was there to comfort me or love me. There were no cellphones, no comfy beds or recliners, you could only wear up to 3 outfits, you couldn't be alone in one room, you had to sleep with the lights on, you could only eat the meals they provided, you HAD to take your medication or they'd force you with injections, and the list goes on and on. It was so horrible for me because I was always cold all the time, and they wouldn't let me have my own blanket!! I also have an eating disorder and when I tried to tell them that I needed someone else to bring me my own food because I was unable to eat the food they had there, they thought I was LYING and forced me to sit down in their cafeteria. I didn't eat more than one meal a day, I was so scared and defeated.
One of the nights there, I found a room where nobody was watching one of the TVs. I asked the nurses if I could have the remote, and then I changed it to the music channel. I put on classic rock. And I waited, and waited. I just wanted to feel something inside other than pain and fear. I was so lonely, so afraid, I can't even express it in words here. All of a sudden, Jack and Diane came on the TV, and I never felt so emotional in my life. Let's be honest here, most "diehard" Mellencamp fans are sick of hearing that song and most of his other hits on and on. We want the deep tracks, the side of John that nobody else really knows. I was no different, I never really played this song and I didn't have much of a care for it. But when you're quite literally here dying at a hospital, and your chance to listen to music is highly limited, you start to realize how much you've taken things for grated. I never realized how much I loved John and his music until that song came on. No doubt I bawled my eyes out, just sobbing and sobbing so far down into the chair so nobody would see my face. But I was so in tuned to the music, it became a part of my body, my mind, and my soul. At that moment in time, all I could think about was love, what it meant, and what it has done for me. Love made me a Mellencamp fan, love brought me to his shows, love created John his career and love is what he gives to his fans... and as I was sitting there on that cold and lonely hospital chair, love is exactly what I needed most of all.
When I look back at that moment, I can't help but feel shivers down my spine. The hospital frightens me. People concern me. Death haunts me. But I still move on, even after such a tragic time. I am Bipolar, which now explains my random, severe depression, and I'm making progress now with treatment. Though I can't help but go back and ponder what life means to me. I always wondered what I was going to do with myself. But now, it is very apparent to me, and clearer than daylight. I have learned something very crucial from John in my weakest moments. To give love and share it with all is why I'm here, and is what I'll always do here and on out. I never, ever want to see another person go through the same thing I did. Nobody would need to go though such pain if all they felt was a little bit of love. Whether is love as deep as the hospital walls, or love as sweet as a kiss at a concert, love is all we need.
And to think how this all started 3 years ago is unimaginable.
