Today I didn't know what to do or where to go, and so I decided to play charlie sheen
and come on with the knowledge of a certain problematic behavior and still expect to be heard and cared about.
This morning I celebrated a continental brunch at a local deli here in my city.
I knew that if other friends heard this behavior I don't know if they would still care to be my friends...however, I decided to go ahead with it, despite the fact that I am overtime early as to my schedule on this sight, Noone answers me, but I need to communicate with a listening public who just may have an understanding as to some of this c-r-a-p-s-h-o-o-t
...tumbling dice alternative, something that few would understand. It's almost a fear of the lack of control when it comes to anger verses kindness.
Joni Mitchell has a mantra in her song "Don Juan's Reckless Daughter"
"Inside my boltlocked door, the eagle and the serpent are at war in me-
the serpent fighting for blind desire, the eagle for clarity.
What strange prizes these battles bring,
these hectic joys, these weary blues,
Puffed up and strutting when I think I think I win,
Down and shaken when I think I lose...."
Sigmund Freud had his own way of putting it-
Id-the animal inside us that gives way to anything that may be wanting expression
Ego-the balance between the id and...the...
Superego-the "parent", or else, the controls that we put on our behaviors that stop
us from losing our tempers.
John has ways to express some of this battle, and I have always enjoyed reading some
of his comparisons..
First, as I said before, one song in "Human Wheels"..."What if I Came Knocking?" he
explains the "c-r-a-p-s-h-o-o-t-s" and "...what could potentially happen if control
did not overcome these outbursts.
I had an outburst at one of our Mental Health programs Thursday evening, and my staff
supervisor was, like, "Sh....please! WHAT'S GOING ON?" in time, I quickly whipped out
my poem about ... my niece's graduation from high school, and the combination of her
locker, which ... in its own way, signifies the following-"We have nothing to lose but our
chains..." the chain combination is 9-7-2-1...and the dedication is to the beginning of the movie "Top Gun" starring Tom Cruise. She read it privately, and complimented it, and I was happy,
and I thanked her. Another c-r-a-p-s-h-o-o-t averted.
And of course, the verse I wrote myself in 1983, when I was battling my "screaming meemies" in other words, and the little verse went as the following-
"It's just the way you're feeling today
it's just a point in time,
you may be hot, now, baby, cool down!
I know the problem's mine!"
And we all know John's song from Lonesome Jubilee-
"One man does his work, he's not satisfied, not at all-
seems like he's feeling used,
and his self respect starts to fall...
His frustration runs very, very high,
He takes it out on the ones he loves,
'Cause they're safe, and who they gonna tell? And he hates the coldbloodedness
that runs inside..."
And of course, his lovely mantra, "Mean"-
"I'm not following your frame of mind,
Complain about this and that all the time.
Surely something good, as the world spins bye,
Could you please stop being so mean?"
These intersections are mainly my own Mellenmoments and I so much want to use them
in my own treatment. I hope the webmaster, Tony, will understand and allow me to put them in print, visa vis an incorrect part of the community club's site. Hey...one less pill here and there, and no, it is not a joke.